Janitor vs Egyptian God

"Jim, you're needed at the African exhibit."

One look over his coffee at Claire's drenched form told him he wanted nothing to do with the African exhibit. "Looks like you've got this covered."

"Come on, Jim. You've got the best track record with this sort of thing."

"I'm on break."

She took Jim's coffee mug and pointed to the door. "People are going to get eaten."

Jim stumped over to the coffee machine for another mug. "No way. I still have nerve damage from the thunderbirds. Get Mary on it. She's got some crazy fighting skills."

Claire let out a frustrated groan and plopped down into a chair at Jim's table. She sipped at the stolen coffee. "What's it going to take to get you out there?"

Jim smiled and stated his terms.

***

It was raining in the African exhibit, which wouldn't have been strange, except that it was only raining in the African exhibit. And it was raining hard enough to flood the area if it kept on much longer.

Security had done a good job of clearing out the guests, so he was able to make his way to the crocodile pen faster than he usually would. And in the middle of it, just as Claire had told him, was a man with a crocodile's head on a human body, arms raised to the sky and standing on the back of the larger of the male crocodiles. Jim leaned over the railing and waved.

"Uh, excuse me."

The god turned to peer up at Jim through the rain. "Who dares disturb the work of Sobek, god of the Nile, protector of crocodiles?"

"That would be me." He considered jumping the railing, but the water level was nearly up to the walkway, and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be taken seriously if he was treading water. "Hi. I'm Jim. Um, mopper of vomit and apparently a handler of the supernatural occurrences at this zoo."

"This is no zoo. It is a prison! I am here to free my children from your tyranny."

The water washed up over the edge of the walkway and over Jim's shoes. His socks sucked up quite a bit of it. "Yeah, okay. And then where will you take them?"

Sobek raised his staff. Lightning flashed overhead, and a peal of thunder heralded his next words. "I will take them back to their true home in the Nile River."

Figured. "I hate to break it to you, but we're in Ohio. That's half a continent of walking and an entire ocean to swim across. And last time I checked, crocodiles aren't all that fond of salt water."

"Mere inconveniences. I have great power, and they will not spend another second in these squalid conditions."

"Squalor? You don't get it, do you, dude? These guys are treated like royalty. They have servants who come in and keep their place clean. Other servants bring them the best food money can buy, and if one of them gets sick? Personal physicians to help them get better. It would be cruel to take them away from that."

Sobek turned to the nearest female. "Does he speak the truth?"

The crocodile answered in what Jim guessed was crocodile-speak, and he wondered why Sobek hadn't even bothered to ask them what they wanted in the first place.

Finally, the rain let up, and Sobek stepped onto the walkway with Jim. "Your terms are acceptable, Jim, Mopper of the Vomit. But I have come a long way. What am I to do now?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I've got two tickets to the wrestling match and the rest of the day off. You want to come watch mostly naked dudes beat the crap out of each other for a few hours?"

Sobek smiled. Or at least, Jim thought he did. It was hard to tell with crocodile mouths. "I think I would like that very much, Jim, Mopper of the Vomit."

Jim took off his poncho and shook it out on his way out of the exhibit. "How about you just call me Jim?"